I'm So Happy! (sorry)

The time since I returned home from PDF has been a rapid, rapid shifting of my reality. Sorry to be so quiet here, but it's durned hard to relate all this movement into so few dimensions. To even list them all seems so inadequate, and really so irritatingly airy-fairy that it only serves to trivialize the depth of my recent experiences. I guess I should just pick a detail and wax on (wax off) about it...trouble is, they are all so damned interconnected that I'm not sure how to gush about one without heading off onto a tangent about something else, etc, ad nauseam. And so it goes with the web of existence...

You know what it is, I keep feeling like I should downplay this big upswing in my life. Bitching we can all relate to, and we all seek out a little miserable company when we're down. But being up just seems like such...bullshit sometimes, like denial or something. Like somehow it is easier for me to acknowledge that life isn't perfect when things are going good than it is to acknowledge that it doesn't totally suck when it isn't. And I feel very self-conscious about feeling good. I guess really I feel guilty about it. What the hell good is that?! For now, I'm up. And frankly, a good portion of this year has been a giant suckfest, so maybe I'm due. And maybe they won't revoke my Existentialist Club membership card for it either.

Seems like this fascination with/acceptance of life as misery is a sad side effect of the post-industrial era that went cartoonishly out of control, like Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming Governor of California. But with that mindset, we get things like global toxicity, the rapid depletion of fresh water and human dignity, and the incestuous marriage of corporate and political greed, among many, many others. If we actually owned our right to happiness and pursued it, would the world be in the state it's in? Rhetorical questions worth pondering....

I'm off to go wander in the sunshine and marvel at random things. Because who knows when the tiny hedgehogs of despair will find their way underfoot again...