I'm SO Sorry About Missouri #412

First there was Rush Limbaugh. Then John Ashcroft (though to be fair, he was governor before anyone had even heard of Rush). And that whole Assembly Of God Church thing. There's far, far more, but it would take too long to catalog. Rest assured, Missouri has a long and sordid history of closed minded psuedo-religious idiots with loud voices. This stunningly unconstitutional attempt to create an official religion in the Gret Stet of Mizurah is no less than the final nail in the coffin of declaring our Official State Identity as backwards and hateful.

As Abraham Lincoln once said, "it is better to keep quiet and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." And so those of us who go quietly about our lives are lumped by geographic association with those who have removed all doubt. Damn irritating, really.

On behalf of all Missourians who do not own every single installation in the Left Behind series, or think that it is icky to be gay (but okay to be spanked by other men if you stray from violent, oppressive, fear-crusted christianity), or think that the separation of church and state is a road block to heaven on earth, I apologize. Really, truly. I'm so sorry my state is an asshole.

We are not all like that, I swear. Many of my favorite humans come from Missouri. The folks I know are wonderfully creative and loving and messy and experimental and open and friendly and giggly and don't really care what you do as long as it's not hurting anybody or cramming anybody's beliefs down anybody's throat. We are, I assure you, collectively rolling our eyes.

Please believe this won't go anywhere. Missouri is a joke. This latest attempt is just another sad, pathetic punchline in a comedy routine that became Not Funny a long, long time ago.