Jumping The Garden Fence

Farewell, bacon. Ciao, chicken. Bye bye, buffalo wings...you too, barbeque. See ya, sausage. My meat-eating days are over. Though I love you so, you are not so good to me and I have to move on.

I'm going vegetarian. Not vegan - they'll have to pry the cheese from my cold, dead hands - but vegetarian. No meat. Anymore. *sniff* Ever.

I've been toying with the notion of going veg for awhile. I managed to maintain my meat-eating status through an entire marriage to a vegetarian. My rebound relationship was with an avid carnivore. The love of my life is, of course, a vegetarian, too. But the men in my life have had little bearing on my decision to enter the broccoli forest, though it has kept the notion in my mind since I did cook vegetarian for so many years.

The thing was, I always liked meat. It tastes good - all smoky and juicy and bloody and expensive.

But the more I learn about meat, especially the way it's handled and processed, the less inclined I am to eat it. Of course, we recently found out that the US has been covering up cases of Mad Cow, and to that end, many countries do not allow US beef imports because of our practice of feeding ground up dead cows to other cows. Yuck. If I could count on free-range organic beef when I went out to eat, that would be one thing. But most likely, my burger was a fat, antibiotic-ridden cownivore. I can't trust it, and I can't order beef without remembering that. Living with CJD is not worth an artfully prepared filet.

Chickens are little better, kept in factory crates 1 foot by 1 foot, their beaks cut off in order to prevent them from pecking each other to death in territorial defense. And again with the antibiotics, and shitting on the heads of the chickens in the crates below.

Pigs are kept over pits of their own wastes that stink up the entire county and destroy the groundwater and the nearby communities. 'Nuff said.

The grains we use to feed all three of these beasts in America alone could feed the entire world and leave a surplus. The water we use to feed and clean them could restore much of the country's depleted groundwater. My dad had to dig a deeper well about a decade back because livestock was brought to southern Missouri and used up all the water.

Seafood is loaded with mercury and dioxin and other VOC's. Overfishing is screwing up the ocean's ecosystem & factory fish farming is just nasty.

So basically, it's pretty damn hypocritical of me to be such a rabid environmentalist at the same time that I'm contributing to a major source of pollution and antibiotic resistance. And we won't even get into the high mortality rate of slaughterhouse workers, who are often illegal immigrants and thus completely unprotected by the already inadequate OSHA regulations. That alone should have been enough. But it wasn't somehow. Denial is a cord that is tough to sever, I guess.

What did it was this study, whic links eating meat with phenomenally high rates of pancreatic cancer, one of the most deadly and incurable forms of cancer, the one my childhood friend lost his dad to a few years back. I was told recently that the first thing they tell new cancer patients is to stop eating meat. So wouldn't it be sort of preventive to stop before it gets that far?

I'm already predisposed to cancer, (though not pancreatic, fortunately). I'm not a lucky person. These are not odds I'm comfortable with. It's time to quit. I stopped smoking for the same reasons, but somehow because others aren't affected by our meat eating, we don't see it as just as harmful, although it certainly is.

But it is not my place to decide what is right for anyone but me. Therefore, I hereby do solemnly swear that this shall be my last righteous vegetarian rant. Respect my right not to eat meat and I will respect your right to eat it. Just please at least let me throw a couple veggies on the grill when you invite me to the barbeque. I am not trying to offend you or guilt you by refusing your meat, I just don't eat it. Thank you in advance for trying to accommodate my diet, but I must inform you that chicken is NOT a vegetarian food.

If you need me, I'll be out in the garden.

Goin Down to South Park

Make your own South Park character. This is either me or Nicole Kidman. Only in South Park could we possibly look anything alike...

Burger King to Americans: Drop Dead. Now.

Okay, I admit it. Last week I went to Burger King for my quarterly hungry-but-too-busy-to-stop dose of junk food. For what it's worth, it was a BK veggie with cheese, no fries, and a bottle of water. So I'll only die like five years early, not fifteen.

But, as a TV-deprived pop-culture dropout, imagine my horror when I pulled into the drive-thru and they're advertising this THING, this billion calorie belly bomb for breakfast: the Enormous Omelet Sandwich, an extra large omelette with two slices of molded, gooey cheese product, two sausage patties and three strips of bacon on a hoagie roll. A quick google search found that this behemoth tub o' lard weighs in at 760 calories. That's more than HALF of what I get to eat in a day as a 5'2" 30 year old. Half. And nary a vegetable to be found. You know, vegetables? That thing in the middle of the food pyramid that we're supposed to get so much of every day? You know, right above complex carbs, the former nutritional foundation of our diet before they were demonized and our livers started to turn black and collapse and ketone breath became the new fashion statement.

This is obviously a nutritional travesty far more severe than Cookie Monster's cookie chronic. And yet we happilly roll into the drive-thru and think "mmmmm....sausage AND bacon!" What a paradox! How, in such a supposedly newly nutrition-conscious society can such a thing happen?

From what darkness comes a need for such things? Is it the mega-SUV driver looking for a breakfast sandwich that doesn't look all faggotty with it's lone slab of bacon? Is it all those farmers desperate for a big enough breakfast to fuel their hard labor in the combine seat now that The Mrs. is working three jobs in town to keep them from going bankrupt over the cost of GM seeds? Is it that all the careful research about obesity, heart disease, diabetes and nutrition are actually a bunch of liberal propaganda designed to create a communist BK-free state? Free whoppers and yellow ribbon magnets and 3x sweats for everyone! Whee!

Or is it just another blatant and semi-subtly murderous disregard for the health of our fellow humans when there's a profit to be made?

Get me a bucket.

Signs of the Apocalyse #586: Wal-Mart Protects Environment

Mom sent me an email asking for my take on Wal-Mart's sudden environmental largesse.

Well,

1) $35 million is a drop in the bucket for Wal-Mart (cheaper than an ad campaign).
2) Many environmentalists & other activists decry Wal-Mart for many, many valid reasons, like
3) Wal-Mart has fought in many localities to build in violation of the Clean Water Act, among other things. Google walmart environmental damage to get a sense of the extent. And we can deduce that
4) Wal-Mart will never build stores in the Grand Canyon, Deschutes Nat'l Forest, or other as-yet unpopulated, partially protected areas.
5) It's done in cooperation with the National Fish & Wildlife Foundation. Fish & wildlife? Hey, don't they sell guns & fishing rods at Wal-Mart? Hmmm...
6) It helps bolster Republican assertions that environmental protection doesn't need federal money. Remember where most of Wal-Mart's campaign money goes.

So my asessment would be:
Cheap PR campaign to prove how progressive they are. Meanwhile, they resist unionization, deny healthcare benefits & overtime for employees, buy from sweatshops in China, build on healthy natural sites in local areas, drive local retailers out of business, censor what they sell based on conservative ethics, and generally show blatant disregard for all things healthy and decent.

Might also be interesting to read reports about these trusts - how much of the money they receive goes to paying their employees, vs. actually doing land conservation? Think Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.

Here's the Grand Canyon Trust Charity summary. They do spend an awful lot on administrative costs. But that alone doesn't mean they're not doing good.

Oh, wait, here we go. This might have something to do with it:

The WCWCD is currently investigating the feasibility of several identified routes in order to determine if they can gain the necessary easements for the [water] pipeline [to Utah]. The State DWR and the WCWCD are sharing the expenses of these studies. The pipeline was originally planned for construction completion by 2030.

Maybe watering St. George is useful to Wal-Mart & they're trying to, um, lube the process a little. So far, the Grand Canyon Trust has advised against it.

However, I must say that money that helps the environment is great, regardless of origin or motives. As long as corruption charges don't follow a year from now, like what happened with the Nature Conservancy in the south.

Geographic Stalking

I am so addicted to Google's new satellite feature. Now I can look at the playa anytime. Why it is that I'm wistful for a giant pile of gypsum dust and a bunch of drunken freaks, I can't entirely explain. The fact that I am will just have to do. This year me & the S.O. are road-tripping it. I can hardly wait.

Think I'll go buy some day-glo yarn & knit me a playa costume!