Burger King to Americans: Drop Dead. Now.

Okay, I admit it. Last week I went to Burger King for my quarterly hungry-but-too-busy-to-stop dose of junk food. For what it's worth, it was a BK veggie with cheese, no fries, and a bottle of water. So I'll only die like five years early, not fifteen.

But, as a TV-deprived pop-culture dropout, imagine my horror when I pulled into the drive-thru and they're advertising this THING, this billion calorie belly bomb for breakfast: the Enormous Omelet Sandwich, an extra large omelette with two slices of molded, gooey cheese product, two sausage patties and three strips of bacon on a hoagie roll. A quick google search found that this behemoth tub o' lard weighs in at 760 calories. That's more than HALF of what I get to eat in a day as a 5'2" 30 year old. Half. And nary a vegetable to be found. You know, vegetables? That thing in the middle of the food pyramid that we're supposed to get so much of every day? You know, right above complex carbs, the former nutritional foundation of our diet before they were demonized and our livers started to turn black and collapse and ketone breath became the new fashion statement.

This is obviously a nutritional travesty far more severe than Cookie Monster's cookie chronic. And yet we happilly roll into the drive-thru and think "mmmmm....sausage AND bacon!" What a paradox! How, in such a supposedly newly nutrition-conscious society can such a thing happen?

From what darkness comes a need for such things? Is it the mega-SUV driver looking for a breakfast sandwich that doesn't look all faggotty with it's lone slab of bacon? Is it all those farmers desperate for a big enough breakfast to fuel their hard labor in the combine seat now that The Mrs. is working three jobs in town to keep them from going bankrupt over the cost of GM seeds? Is it that all the careful research about obesity, heart disease, diabetes and nutrition are actually a bunch of liberal propaganda designed to create a communist BK-free state? Free whoppers and yellow ribbon magnets and 3x sweats for everyone! Whee!

Or is it just another blatant and semi-subtly murderous disregard for the health of our fellow humans when there's a profit to be made?

Get me a bucket.